Notes From the Hokage
by Lucillia
Summary: With two wars, the aftermath of the Kyuubi attack, the Uchiha Massacre and the invasion of Konoha, the Sandaime had had an exciting and eventful time in office. Throughout that term, he had to frequently remind those under his command that they were ninja not hooligans.
1. 599: Continuity Errors?

**Namikaze Minato:** Please remove your face from the Hokage Monument. You are not Hokage, and if you persist in such behavior, you never will be.

**To the person responsible for entering the Academy students in the Chunin Exams: **While there may not yet be a rule against allowing a Chunin to enter and retake the Exams, there is a rule against allowing Academy Students to do so. Be warned, I will find you and deal with you accordingly.

**Hatake Kakashi: **Congratulations on passing the Chunin Exams a second time. However, this does not entitle you to a second free vest and Chunin certificate. Please either pay for the vest or return it to the quartermaster immediately.


	2. 001 and 002: In the Background

**Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu: **If Uzumaki Naruto comes up the path leading to the Hokage Monument carrying several buckets of paint and a large coil of rope while you are standing guard, the proper response is not to turn and look in the opposite direction while he passes.

**To all who are Chunin rank and above: **If catching Uzumaki Naruto while he is running out in the open takes more than thirty minutes again, I will be instating a mandatory fitness program. Academy students who have failed their graduation exam twice should not be able to evade skilled shinobi so easily.

**Uchiha Itachi:** I must ask that you please stop returning to the village to visit Sasuke while he's asleep as it is giving him nightmares. The Yamanaka already have their work cut out for them and don't need any more added to it. I must also remind you that you are supposed to be a missing-nin, and that returning to the village in order to give your brother a graduation present rather unnecessarily puts your life at risk.

**Shimura Danzo:** Calling the guards away from my private residence because you thought allowing Naruto to steal the Forbidden Scroll of Seals would be funny was not in the least bit amusing. The next time you pull something like that, I might take a closer look at all of those homeless children who seem to be infesting the sewers seeing as they clearly need new homes.

**Hatake Kakashi: **Your actions during the hunt for Naruto yesterday evening did not go unnoticed. While things did end up working out in the end, I'm afraid that I will have to officially reprimand you and dock your pay for the next three months for putting three ANBU hunter teams, seventeen Chunin, and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio out of commission.


	3. 002 to 008: Graduation Mayhem

**Sarutobi Konohamaru:** Naruto may be your rival but, that doesn't mean that you can run from your caretakers at bedtime in order to stake out his apartment in order to determine the most opportune time at which to attempt an assassination.

**Ebisu: **It would seem that I would have to yet again remind you to keep better track of your student. At least he isn't trying to assassinate me with cardboard shuriken this time.

**To All Current Genin: **I am yet again sending out the annual reminder that you not inform the recently graduated Academy students of the final test and what said test might entail. Any Genin caught handing out information will immediately be placed on bedpan duty at the Shinobi Retirement Home for the next six months. The same goes for all those above the rank of Genin. We do not need a repeat of last year when only one team passed because all of the others cheated.

**Hatake Kakashi: **If I have to remind you to show up in order to test your prospective team on the actual day of the test one more time, you will be sent back to the Academy for remedial training. You seem to have missed out on a few basic skills when you blew through there the last time around including the ability to read a clock and a calendar.

**Umino Iruka: **Please note that your complaint regarding one Hatake Kakashi's tardiness has been received and been given the due consideration it deserves. I will not however be placing Jounin Hatake in the stocks as you recommend as that would only serve to further delay him in his duties. The fact that the stocks seem to have gone missing since they were last used more than fifty years ago did not play a part in this decision.

**To those who have completely filled Konoha's emergency shelters: **The fact that Hatake Kakashi has passed a Genin team is not a sign of the apocalypse. As the shelters are reserved for real emergencies, I must ask that you please vacate them immediately.


End file.
